Today on awakening I tried to meditate to ease the dread. It was terrible! It wasn't working and I could feel my sense of humor about it slipping away. Steve was restless next to me. It was nice when he was away last week and I had the bed all to myself. Why was I thinking that I could do this? How silly to think I could keep the warmth and comfort of being in bed and satisfy the meditation requirement at the same time. The. discipline. of. commitment. means. getting. up. even. when. it. is. uncomfortable. Ha. Now I am feeling the embarrassment of putting these words out into the world. So obvious! So foolish.
Time to put advice of class handout into practice:
PRACTICE your skills as you learn them until they become part of you, where you use them without self-consciousness. PRACTICE:
1. Changing harmful situations.
2. Changing your harmful reactions to situations.
3. Accepting yourself and the situation as they are.
Finished up after he got up. A bit better. Could follow the bodyscan instead of writing a litany over it. First time to get to the face and head!
That tromping means Theo is up. The noise and the knowledge of the frustration behind it can pull my relaxation right out through the walls of my intestine and leave it tied in knots. Step back. Think about how to convey the message of a better choice to him. Wait for a quiet moment instead of storming straight out to confront. Try.
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